Back to the future

Berlin Style, Oberbaumbridge with Subway, November 2016

 Happy weekend to everybody. You know the last weeks were full of processes and this week isn't different or more different? My boyfriend and I have not much time to take a breath, we are still driving fast through our minds, emotions and as well our future as our past.

Yes, the past a mixture of good and bad things. But does the past still play a role in our present life. Is it important for us?

Truly I'm not sure. On the one hand the past created my present person, my behavior, my interests, my appearance, my attiutude and much more but on the other hand the past can stop your processes from one second to another.

That's what happened to me this week. I already told you about my insights in my last post and one of them totally changed the point of view of my life I had before.

It throws me back to a time were I had less self- confidence and less self- love. I thought everything what I was thinking was a lie, I couldn't trust my feelings anymore. My mind was searching for answers but I felt blind. Totally blind of everything regarding to my existence. I know this sounds a tiny bit crazy but that was how I truly felt. I was an emotional wreck. But that was not me. I thought it was, but I'm a person who stands up after I fall. So I was intense searching for answers, especially for an answer which I can handle. There were too many information that's why I was a bit overwhelmed first and my brain felt like it would explode.

I know my mistake was to questioning everything without accepting. I can't change things which happened in the past I only can ensure that it won't touch my future. And that's the important thing I guess. We often use the past as an excuse, that we are like we are just because of something in the past and that we can't do things because the past shaped us too much. But that is completely wrong. Yes, the past creates my present person, but NOW is the past who will create my future person. So don't rest on your past, change the present and create your future and you will see this is the start of a big flow. I promise, because I'm in that flow and it rushes over me.

Giant Tree, Yosemite National Park, USA, May 2015- Sometimes you have to think big to reach big things-

For me reading is a big assistance. I get a lot of insights and motivation while I'm reading. Well of course the good things. I'm not reading what harms me. For that it is important to know you or really to get in touch with yourself. That doesn't mean I avoid negative aspects. I assume them. But negative aspects I can deal with. If I realize what I'm reading drifts me in the wrong direction I have to stop.

This was not always been the case. Listen your inner voice is an other big process which starts as a child until you are an adult and it never stops. Some people easily find a way listen to their voice, for others it could be harder but nevertheless it's important to start listening. Because your inner voice take you the path to your own happiness and personal freedom. Nobody else than you know the way you have to go.

A lot of people suggest me yoga or meditation. Earlier I smiled at it and didn't take it seriously, but to realize you got an inner voice which has an other view of life than the voice of your enviroment I realized I have to teach myself to handle with my voice and there is no palable skill which society offers. So I guess I have to give it a try. I will let you know if you've got a point there or if it's hokeypokey.

Bodie Ghost Town, California, USA, May 2015- Such a mystical and spiritual place-

I started intense reading for about 4 weeks again. That's were we stopped watching TV. We didn't plan it, it just happened. You have to know I love TV, movies, shows and series. But in the last years I mentioned like lots of you also did, that what we get offered is rubbish. Completely rubbish. So many shows which stimulate discontent, paternalism and anxiety. Especially for keeping us stupid. Could be difficult if we start to question.

When I'm thinking about the time I wasted with watching TV I guess there will be a lot of quality time which I lost. I don't want to tell you how you should create your spare time, I just want to mention that I felt pretty good with it. Seems I have much more time than before. Doing so many different things and feel less stressed. I realized that I have lots of interests and time for my partner to listen. For our relationship it is an enrichment as well. We share our thoughts and emotions and I feel like he listen to me. In addition to that I learn more about him and start understanding some behavior I judged. Same for him with me he told me just this minute.

An other point which feels pretty good for me.

I will use the TV again and still will watch my series or good movies but for the now it is good as it is.

Palma de Mallorca, June 2016- Could be a place in a fairytlale book-

I rarely feel alive and full of energy. But at this moment I can feel so much energy which rushes through my body. So many stuff gets through my mind and I have to tell everybody so many things I mention. If I meet people which feel similar we push each other. I really enjoy that. Same with my boyfriend. If he is inspired of something we are discussing so much. You can see how we are starting to speack quicker, overwhelmed of our emotions. Our eyes start to gleam and I really can feel how magical it is. That's amazing. I totally recommend to surround yourself with people which have the same passion. You will percieve how the energy will flow all by itself. Maybe you've already mention it in some situations like talking about your favourite movie or your favourite football team. Same can happen with your experiences and insights.

Cala Agulla, Mallorca, June 2016- Guess this was a good match-

To have all the good people surround you, you have to say goodbye to people who doesn't fit in, people who doesn't want to.

I already told you about lots of processes and slowly I believe something pushes you into the processes. What it is I can't really describe. But everything couldn't be a coincidence.

For example I had a good friend, I could share everything with him for many years. But there was a time I develop and I thought he stagnated. Our friendship broke through. He still means something to me, but I had to say goodbye. A long time I had to think about him now and then but since a couple of month it was getting less.

In 4 weeks I will leave and I didn't saw him for about 3 and a half years. Yesterday he passed me by.

Holy sh*t I can't believe this was only a coincidence. It doesn't matter what you think, for me it was more than that. Maybe a sign to finish this chapter of my life.

I saw beside him was a woman and I really hope this is the woman he was always searching for. He deserves it.

My tattoo shows an open cage with a free bird who has the key- You got the key to choose if you want to be in or out of that cage, I choosed to let me free-

Today I talked to two of my clients. A mother and her daughter, both are adults. Although they stagnate in our society they aren't convinced that this way of life is human being. Because it's not really a way of life. It is only conformation.

Please don't understand it wrong. Society includes aspects which are human being but a lot of people don't try to choose the right aspects for theirself, they take to fast all of it without questioning because if you learned it like this, it has to be right or what do you think? Aren't we allowed to change it only because lots of people teached it?

Doesn't matter. This both were wonderful. We exchange views and we came to the point that people should open their eyes for the small tokens life is giving us.

And that's what happen to me at this moment. I know we go to Canada and we choosed Vancouver but small tokens around me give me hints to an other city. My clients also told me I have to go there and I'm pretty sure there has to be something for me or rather for my boyfriend and me. I don't know when I have to go there but I keep it in my mind and I know life will give me the right tokens when it's time for it. I will try to trust them.

Santa Monica Pier, Los Angeles, USA, June 2016- The way is your goal-

While my short trip to the past I'm now on my way back to the future. We shouldn't hold on, we should let it go because after we did we are ready for the future.

We can stay in touch with our past and I think that's important. Forgetting isn't right. This stops our develop as well. We should learn from the past and than let it flow.