Impressions and insights

My new passport holder

What a busy week. Did my last exam for becoming an hairdresser on Sunday. Sorted out the rest of the apartment and I was the bridesmaid on my best friends wedding.
Time is getting much faster in those days. I really feel how I'm getting happier every single day until Canada. But I have a pretty intense time with my friends and family. I enjoy every single hour together.
As I did the Work and Travel in Australia I was more happy to leave. Not because of friends and family, but it was kind of an escape.
This time it doesn't feel like an escape it feels like changing life in this way I really want to. I choose my way of life aware and didn't follow the way which society expect.

Bodensee, Konstanz, Germany, 2017

Beside all the good stuff, a lot of bad stuff happen. At this moment I'm a bit overwhelmed as well. For me it's hard to handle all of these impressions and insights. I try to think positive because to let win the negative points you become scared and careful and that would stop me. Well I know I do it right so I don't have to stop.

In the courtyard of the historical city hall from the 16'th century in Konstanz, Germany 

I had a lot of discussions with people around me. Some of them inspired me a lot, some of them gave me insights which are still hurting. I always try to understand my behavior and reflect it. I know I'm not perfect, I'm doing mistakes. But to realize that people which are close to you never reflect their behavior and be sure that they do it always right makes me pretty sad and angry. That hurts. I know anger is wrong in this situation. But I feel hurt and most of the time I react with anger. I don't want it, it just comes over me. One thing I don't want for my future. I don't go far with my anger. It stresses me. In addition I don't want to feel hurt so fast. People shouldn't have the power to hurt me.

Botanical Garden Sydney, 2012

In an argument you can't always be right or wrong, you are both. Otherwise it isn't an argument. They are full of uncontrolled reactions which need to reflect. If you don't do it you will never develop. Hard for me to understand that some people don't want to develop. They create their own world where they cut off all the people which could show them a mirror. I know sometimes it's difficult to look in a mirror however it brings you on. That some people don't want to bring them on is unthinkable for me. But it's easy to stay in your comfort zone. It's easy to judge over others to make you feel better. I can see they aren't happy but it doesn't matter. They don't want to. And if it's people you love it hurts, because you want to feel them happy. However it is not my duty and I should learn that they choose this way of life. I have to accept it and should learn that I can't help everyone if they don't ask for. I only can learn to let them not that close into my life. I have to win distance, not only spatial distance, more important is the emotional distance.
Still learning because that is the hardest part for me. 
Therefore I'm so thankful for all the people which inspires me in life and who show me my mistakes AND my strenghts. Because of them I develop and I really like in which direction I'm changing.
These are the right people who enrich me and who should surround me. I don't need stagnation, that's poison for my soul and my pure happiness and personal freedom.

Dressed up for wedding 

The wedding of my best friend was wonderful. There was so much love which really touched me. I think I cried more than anybody else. I'm a crybaby. It could be pretty embarrasing and misplaced sometimes because lots of people smile at it and don't take you seriously although if I cry I intend to be more than serious. For most people crying is a weakness and you have to be strong. Nobody should see you can be weak. But for me crying is a big strenght because you can show your emotions. It is harder to show your emotions as to show how strong you are. It's easy to tell someone what you did good than what you did bad because people can judge you and could throw you out of the society for your weaknesses. If you don't trust yourself you need the society to feel strong. So you have to choose if you want a life with the rules you need and learn to trust yourself or the rules which will be upon you and lock you in.
Well at a wedding I think crying is ok althoug I caught myself that I thought what people around me were thinking. I made it to fade them out and let my emotions free. This felt pretty good.
Also this was my best friend who said yes to a life with the person she loves. A person who accept and respect her. Who took the responsibility to be always there for her. More than I ever have to. I don't have to make compromises with her by choosing my way of life, I only have to let her participate in my life like she's doing with hers.
That's why I think a love relationship stays above a friendship. I know a lot of people would say how could I say that. Well I don't say a friendship is less important than a love relationship. It doesn't. You need friends the same way you need someone who really loves you. But friends don't have to go the same way like you. They are going their own. Your life companion normally unsolicited choose to go a way together. That is a bigger and harder decision than choosing a friendship.
Well if a friend is it more worth to keep, which more enrich you, than you got the wrong life companion in my opinion. But sometimes that's it as well. It needs time to choose the right partner or  friend and I think you can see if you choosed it right if they will accept each other even if they don't sympathisize that much.
Also the special thing of a friendship is for me, that you don't need to be in touch all the time rather you can rely on it although you haven't talk to each other after a while.

Love that petticoat dress

No way the wedding was perfect for both of them. But it reminds me how I want to create my wedding day. Beside all this amazing moments, especially from the point of view of a bridesmaid, I saw how stressful it was for the newlyweds. They can't concentrate on each other, they couldn't really breath. Only when the civil marriage was over they started to relax. I'm so happy for them that they had a free marriage as well. This was the magical at this wedding where they started to concentrate on each other.
Well it is wonderful to have all your friends and family together when you say yes to a life with the person you love. But you don't have to make it perfect for others, you don't have to make it perfect for you, it's already perfect because you choose each other a long time before a marriage.
For me I get the insight I have to create my wedding day just to concentrate on my partner.
I really, really don't want to judge this wedding because there is nothing to judge. Everything was like it should be. I only get new experiences which enrich my life and that makes me pretty happy.
I wish my best friend, her husband and their child all the best. I can feel this is the beginning of something big.

"Freedom starts in your head"-  inspirational lecture

While the days around the wedding I start reading a book which inspires me and give me so much power I couldn't handle so fast. Really need to think about it all the time.
But I'm so happy to found that one. It confirms me that I choose the right way for me and it gives me answers to things I'm worrying about.
For example I wrote in one of my first posts that if I start a journey I often get a depression and I can't understand why it's happen the same way all the time. The answer was simple but I couldn't find it.
I have lot's of expressions before I start to travel, I want to experience everything at once, full of energy I'm running into the adventure but I don't know what I have to expect, I collide in something new, a new culture, a new language, a new way of life, new people, new behavior. This can give you the feeling of being wrong there. I need time to get in the new situation, in the new country. Changing is a process, not only a decision. So glad to hear that this is totally normal and so happy to read this before arriving Canada. Now I will try to go slowly into the country and into my Workng Holiday.  Furthermore I won't accuse myself if I will be upset as well.
Maybe I like this book that much because the author made similiar experiences and had a similiar way to feel like me.
So she felt like she could breath for the first time on Australian soil and want to enter this soil again only when she found her provision. I was so surprised by reading it because I thought I'm the only person who made the rule to enter Australia first if I can stay there forever or found the right way for me. At this moment I'm not at the point to enter this country again. But I know I will.
Also I started to breath and feeling freedom for the first time on the Australian soil. Australia is magical. You can say something else but I knew a lot of people which changed after visiting Australia. So there must be something true in that.
Apart from that, the book has so many other inspirational things for me and I really can recommend it to everybody who want to choose their own way.
Unfortunately at this moment you only can read it in German. But for all the English speaker I let you know if it will be published in English as well.

At the Bodensee after the wedding, South Germany 

After arriving yesterday night I first had time today studying my social media news and I was shocked. While we had a good time at the wedding in the South of Germany some really bad things happened in the North of Germany. I'm not a very political person but reactions of your own nation realting to political decisions in such a big amount which is escalating out of control doesn't leave me cold.
I really appreciate people who stand for justice and freedom. Our society needs people who go out onto the street. People who give us a voice and want to change something. But actually we live more and more in a world full of terror, hate and violence. So just tell me why my nation answers with terror as well? Not only the protestors also people who thinks what kind of fun it is to spread chaos around your family, friends and fellow citizens. In what a sick world do I live? 
We always see other countries full of wars or violence, how they don't go far with it and destroy each other. We are judging all the time about them how stupid they react so I ask you, why are you doing it the same way?
We want the politicians to react, but at our expense? It doesn't hurt them if a bakery is destroyed, but the baker, a human like you, who built up this bakery by his own is faced with the ruins of his life. How could we do this? It shows we aren't better than any single politicians and this makes me f*cking sad.
Also glad to see people who wants to help. Gives me hope that our nation isn't lost yet.
I'm not a fan of the G20 but I can't understand the behavior and the closely following chain reaction. If one person start with a stupid behavior we should stop him and don't do it the same.
I can't get the pictures out of my mind. I thought I watched a report about a war in an other country as I realized this was my homeland. The well- educated, safe and exemplary Germany.

Katherine, NT, Australia 

Ok I think that's it. I know a pretty long text again. But still so much is happening in those days, I really needed to handle it and I can do it best if I write it down.
Maybe some words give you an impression or insight maybe not, but anyway it makes me happy that you read it.
My biggest insight of the week: Time to go!

Hope you have a good start into your week.
See you soon.


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